Thursday, 26 July 2012

Food Poisoning Part 2 - The e-mail to the Melbourne Marriott

Anyone that has walked past the Crown Casino would have noticed advertisements outside of The Atlantic. It is a seafood restaurant which I attended in June 20120 and I am anticipating returning next month so that I can remark on it using this blog. At The Atlantic, I had some of the best quality seafood prepared which was prepared perfectly. The Atlantic also uses a photo of a woman with the head of a fish on its marketing materials. I think it is so cool, I have the fish-headed woman in a small frame at home. After my experience at the Melbourne Marriott yesterday, I dreamed about the fish headed woman chasing me around with an iron. Although I woke up not feeling very rested at least I am feeling "normal" after the awful experience with the seafood platter at Essence Restaurant yesterday. I am providing the e-mail that I sent to the Marriott below for your reading pleasure. Should I get a response, I shall post it on the blog. You will notice that I am only looking for an apology.

Sent: Wednesday, 25 July 2012 11:48 PM
Subject: Essence Restaurant made Marriott Gold Australia Member Ill - Disgusting Seafood


Please pass this correspondence on to the manager of the Essence Restaurant. My Marriott Gold Australia Membership Number is XXXXXX.

Myself and one other made the mistake of dining in Essence Restaurant today for lunch. For our first course we each had the chicken Caesar salad. The highlight was the one anchovy and one crouton. For the main, we decided to order the seafood platter to share.

In my life I have not had the displeasure of eating such horrible seafood. The oyster that I consumed had to have been farmed from the Mekong Delta in Vietnam however it may be an insult to the Mekong Delta to insinuate such a thing as one expects a standard in that flowing sewer. It was so disgusting and left such a horrific taste of iron in my mouth I really thought that I used my mouth to mine the whole of the BHP Billiton iron ore mine in Perth. Only that single oyster was consumed as the gentleman I was dining with was in shock by the look on my face and the slurs that I used to describe it. I then tried two of the cold baby octopuses. They were chewy and devoid of flavour. Still feeling adventurous given that I was still seated, I ate two of the mussels. They were dry and left a different metallic flavour in my mouth. It is hard to describe since I had already used my mouth to mine the Pilbara minutes prior. I regret eating the second mussel. I then ate half of the blue swimmer crab, with half being about 10g of meat that I could exhume from its corpse.

My dining partner also attempted a single octopus and was not impressed. He passed on everything else on the “cold” upper deck of the platter.

I had a bite of the deep fried white fish. I am not sure if it was because the horrible tastes of the oyster and mussel lingered in my mouth but I could not identify the fish most likely because it was encased in more grease compared to what can be found in the McDonalds grease traps on Swanston Street.

We each ate two prawns and found them to be fine. I was still hoping to eradicate the horrible taste from my mouth so I then ate the three lime wedges that were provided. My dining partner said the best part about the so-called seafood platter was the bed of rice that the prawns were served on.

The floor manager (I assume that is who it was) was a bit surprised when I summoned him and asked for the bill. I believe he was a bit shocked that I claimed that we were “finished” with this so-called seafood platter. I told him that it was very poor quality and disgusting. He probably agreed by not saying anything at all and by simply walking away with it. Perhaps he was tired of hearing complaints about the seafood and afraid that I was going to blame him for the sins of the kitchen. When I walked up to the desk to pay as I was not interested in languishing around any longer I was a bit surprised that I was charged for this platter. Although I did not ask not to be charged, or make a fuss, I took out a 50% Marriott Club voucher, presented it, had the bill adjusted and paid the final bill by credit card. This was the one voucher that is given to members once per year and can be used for up to a table of eight diners. Can you imagine if I would have brought six additional guests to take advantage of this “discount” I would have most likely have lost friends (either by choice or by death) or business colleagues (future earnings) which is scary in itself if they had decided to consume this seafood.

After fleeing the most revolting experience with food that I ever have had, I had to degrade myself in the facilities of both the Elephant & Wheelbarrow on Bourke Street and also I had the pleasure of inspecting the facilities at Young and Jackson’s on Swanston Street; a toilet that I barely made it to before my body insisted on removing the disgusting food from my system regardless of hole, one way or another.

I still have a foul taste in my mouth even after nine hours and using Listerine. I have attempted to exorcise it from my being much like Father Merrin did with the demon that took possession of poor little Regan in The Exorcist however so far I have not been as successful as the clergy was with her. This demon will live in my memories for some time and I will exorcise it by informing those interested in their health and well-being to not eat the seafood served at the Melbourne Marriott.

I would suggest evaluating your inventory of seafood and also your storage practices. I have quite a healthy constitution and have not succumbed to the horrors of poisoning by horrific food in eight years and I eat out frequently. After enjoying your seafood buffet multiple times at your Gold Coast property and also the seafood platter at your Brisbane property, you should be ashamed. defines “food” as “a substance you eat, then poop out usually followed (by) a nap” so I am fortunate that I actually woke up from my nap after eating this fish! Unfortunately for Essence Restaurant I have lived to tell the tale.

What is interesting is that my Marriott Gold Card is up for renewal and I have missed a few calls from your Queensland Call Centre over the last few days. If you cannot be bothered to reply with a simple apology, can you kindly ring them on (07) 3053-4000 and advise them that I will not be renewing my membership. You can even lie as to the reason why I refuse to renew. The restaurant is good at lying as it claims to serve food that is fit for human consumption. Once again, my Marriott Gold Australia Membership Number is XXXXXX so you can advise them.

Try not to ruin many other patron’s days.